Sam’s Bitch List
1. Lets get all the generics out of the way: Society, work, neighbors, the IStubbedMyToeRightAwayInTheMorningDon’tYouHateThat blablah etc. Ok, moving on.
2. If you call me, and you’re talking to someone else when I answer, I will hang up on you.
3. “Yes, Pandora, I am still listening. I am always. still. listening.”
4. I have this thing with skin; I don’t like it to be stretched. Weird? Whatever. But for some reason, everyone comes up with the brilliant and, might I add, hilarious idea to stretch it… Uh, did I just say I liked my skin to be stretched? No. I really hate it.
5. Don’t get mad at me if I spill my beer on you. You’re in the front row of a rock concert. “Here’s the number to this doctor, he gives out prescriptions for the best chill pills.”
6. When people don’t hold the door for people behind them. #SmallTownPerk
7. Waking up from nightmares. Here’s what happens: I jolt awake, but am far too terrified to move. I look around to make sure nothing scary from my dream is in my room. The whole time, I’m drearily thinking things like: “My body is tingling. Why is my body tingling? How can something from my subconscious produce something so physical? Is it all in my head? No, I can feel it.” What I’m feeling is every single hair on my body standing on end. I don’t care for it.
8. We’re all thinking it, I’m just saying it. People on facebook. And I’ll leave it at that.
10. Here’s where you get to know me. It’s a two-parter. Part One: I over analyze. I love sociology, psychology, and people watching! You plop me down in the corner of a bar, and I’ll tell you why he’s sitting the way he’s sitting, or why she said what she did, or what she’s going to do now that she did that. I eat that shiz up. Part Two: Because of this, I can’t let go of times that I could have handled differently. Circumstances where it would have been hysterical if I had said this, I could have shown my true colors and stormed off, I feel really bad for saying that, I wish I could have thrown one last “punch” in an argument. Even times where I couldn’t have done anything differently, I was just uncomfortable. I pick at it and pick at it until time eventually takes care of itself. #BittersweetSymphony